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    • Cancer Free, The Way to Be January 17, 2008
      More proof that beer is good for you.  Researchers in Germany say that a cancer-fighting substance found in hops could be enhanced to brew a special anti-cancer beer. I don’t think I’ve read a better story all year. I know the year is young, but the only news that could be better would be “Drinking […]
    • Flaming Shot January 10, 2008
      The flaming shot. It’s an amateur move for sure, but it looks cool. The problem is that a lot of people don’t know how to take this shot. They can make it, and light it on fire and that’s where their “smartness” ends. Example 1 This dude is not smart. And the chick that says […]
    • Don’t Just Drink it January 8, 2008
      We all love beer right? RIGHT!? Well not only is beer delicious and good for you, but it can be used for all sorts of things that aren’t drinking related. Here is the story. Below I have chosen some of my favorites; CLEAR UP BROWN SPOTS IN YOUR LAWN According to Andrew Lopez, a professional […]
    • A Drink a Day Keeps the Doctor Away January 3, 2008
      Health benefits from alcohol? Damn right! According to scientists (not just random drunk people anymore), alcohol in moderation is actually good for you. They say that one alcoholic drink a day will help with all kinds of stuff. Your heart Your pancreas Your Joints Your over all health Sometimes I like to combine 2 weeks […]
    • About Bloody Time January 2, 2008
      After a night of hard drinking you will wake up either drunk or hung-over. Being drunk is not the problem, it’s the coming down from being drunk and being hung-over that is the problem. The solution; a Bloody Mary. There are 3 types of morning drinkers. There is the person who drinks a Bloody Mary, a […]
    • DWI of the Year January 1, 2008
      Here at Don’t Eat the Worm we don’t condone drinking and driving. It is a dumb and reckless move that can cost not only you your life but an innocent person. (Not saying you’re guilty.) BUT Meagan Harper is now a god in DWI/DUI circles. She was busted in Oregon with a .55 BAC. The […]
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Global Warming?

I think you might have missed something Al Gore. Seriously. Right now it is 2 degrees above 0, this is the first time in 3 days that it has been above 0. For the past few days it’s been at least – 10. I don’t know if a lot of you have been in around anything that cold so let me break it down for your.

At 0 – Pretty cold, but manageable.

At – 5 – Cold. You don’t really want to go all that far, and the wind cuts through most light clothing like a hot knife through butter.

At – 10 – COLD. Seriously don’t even go out side. And if you do, stay in your warm car.

At – 15 – If you’re out doing anything but going to work you’re an idiot. Seriously, you’re dumb.

At – 20 – Kill youreself. Just do it. Death is way warmer than this.

At – 25 – Things just stop working. Cars barely work, ice just magically appears on the roads. I’m pretty sure this is the 8th sign of the appocolypse.


Sorry for the lack of blogs. Been kind of busy playing with myself and all. If you want to know what I’m up to on a daily or even hourly basis follow me on twitter. Or to see me talk and make fun of things in 12 second video clips follow me here.


Your Jacket Needs to Go.

On my way home from work today I looked to my right as I sped past a bunch of fools, and saw the biggest douche nozzle I’ve ever seen. He was wearing a Letterman Jacket, not only was he wearing one of the gayest jackets ever made, next to the technicolor-ed dream coat obviously, but it had the number 07 on the shoulder.


Are you kidding me right now!? Seriously? You’re going to wear a jacket with the 07 on the shoulder when you aren’t in school anymore and it’s almost 2009? I thought I was having flash backs to my proverbial “Haight-Ashbury” days.

Ditch the jacket dude, seriously. And if you don’t, and I see you, I’m kicking your ass.

Earth Hour? Thanks for the Notice

Apparently there was something called Earth Hour yesterday that I was unaware of. At 8 pm you were supposed to turn your lights off and sit in the dark like a cave man.

A few things.

Why didn’t I hear about this? Not that I would do it, but still. I read the news every day, you would think that if anyone knew it would be me. Maybe I just didn’t read it because something called “Earth Hour” sounds super lame.

So instead of turning off my lights during “Earth Hour” I passed out with my TV and all of my lights on. I, by myself, ruined “Earth Hour.”

How did you “celebrate” Earth Hour?

Danger No Longer Dangerous?…

I wasn’t going to post anything tonight since I’m so tired from staying up all day watching football, but I have tons of stuff going on in my brain and need to get some of it out.

I read this story tonight. Detroit is now the most dangerous city in America. Taking the title away from St. Louis. Coincidentally both cities top my list of places not to visit, ever.

Funniest part of the story; Instead of being mad about the crime level in their cities and preventing it. They complain about it. 

“What I take exception to is the use of these statistics and the damage they inflict on a number of these cities,” said Mayor Robert Duffy, chairman of the Criminal and Social Justice Committee for the U.S. Conference of Mayors.

The rankings “do groundless harm to many communities,” said Michael Tonry, president of the American Society of Criminology.

“They also work against a key goal of our society, which is a better understanding of crime-related issues by both scientists and the public,” Tonry said.

I’m not even really sure what he is trying to say. But I can tell you this; if your city is a complete piece of trash then it won’t be ranked high on this list. Clean up your town and people will WANT to live there. I know huh? Crazy Idea!

I read this article mostly to see how Minneapolis ranked on the list. Well after reading the whole thing I get to the bottom and see this nugget of knowledge.

The study excluded Chicago, Minneapolis, and other Illinois and Minnesota cities because of incomplete data.

Hmmm….People that don’t live in Chicago or Minneapolis probably don’t find this strange. But if you lived in these cities you would know something was up. Minneapolis, and St. Paul for that matter is FULL of scum bags that have moved up from Chicago. They move back and forth up the river and just cause trouble. I’m sure Minneapolis and Chicago would have ranked pretty high on that list of the data wasn’t “incomplete.”


No word of the day today…..I’m to lazy to find/think of one.

Can’t see? Not a Problem!

Rudy Giuliani (who I will call Rudy G for the rest of this post since his name is hard as hell to spell.) thinks it is A – O K for blind people to carry guns.He cites the second amendment saying there are only 3 things that would prohibit someone from carrying a fire arm.

  1. A previous criminal record.
  2. A history of instability
  3. Being old enough.

Sure I agree with all of these, but if you can’t see how can you shoot?

Why would a blind person need to carry a gun? Aren’t guns used for defending from a distance? Something BLIND people can’t judge. Blind people can’t drive cars but they can carry guns and potentially shoot people? This is fucking insane!

I don’t want to sound like an asshole or anything but what the hell is wrong with people!? If you are “handicapped” there are things you just can’t do. Don’t try to do them. To clarify this I am going to make a list that I will try to get made into law.

Blind people – No shooting guns.

Deaf people – No listening.

Women – No driving.

French people – No fighting.

I would think of more but I’m really lazy and eating Cheetos, so if you can think of any others go right ahead and list them below.


Word of the Day –

Gorilla Mask

A “sexual act” involving a hand full of shaved pubic hair thrown in the face of an unsuspecting female who just received a facial.

(Gross but funny)

Learn to Drive!!…

It seems like every day I leave my house and drive some place I get stuck behind someone who is a complete retard? Seriously I think people driving shitty accounts for 90% of the stress in my life and it happens on a daily basis. I can only relieve myself from stress (jerk off) so many times a day before that gets old.

Is there a reason that people are such shitty drivers?

  • Is it because they don’t know how to read? (English or signs in general?)
  • Is it because they are so old they can remember the Civil War, and actually fought in it?
  • Are they actually retarded?
  • Are they blind?
  • Is it a celebrity?

These are all questions that run through my mind as I’m stuck behind them. 

I curse.

I honk my horn.

I curse some more.

I do that swerve into the shoulder move so you can look past them.

I do it all and nothing seems to faze these people. They are completely oblivious to everything around them.

  • They go 20 mph down the on-ramp when they know you need to be going 70 mph once you reach the bottom.
  • They take left hand turns from the right lane, even though there is a middle turn lane.
  • They go 10 – 15 mph UNDER the speed limit when there is no reason to.
  • They drive with out lights on in the rain or around dusk/dawn so no one can see them.
  • They cut you off and drive slower than the posted speed by at least 10 mph.

Of course none of this stuff happens when I’m on a lesiurly drive to a friends house, but if I’m in a hurry sure enough some jackass will cut me off and drive 30 in a 45. 

Like I said, this happens to me every day. Sometimes I wish I could just run these people off the road and kick them right in the teeth.


The World Series starts today and I am stoked. Not because I like either team, but because I can start gambling…Er….Not gambling because it’s illegal. I mean I love baseball that much, yeah that’s it.

Prediction – Boston in 5 games.


Word of the Day –

Gummy –

The act of receiving a blow-job from a toothless woman or man.

Time Travel, Possible?

I was watching CSI tonight. It was about some guy who said he travel in time. In my half awake state I started thinking about if time travel is actually possible. I’ve come to the conclusion that as much as I want it to be possible, that it just wouldn’t work.

If you are in one place at a certain time, a second later even if you haven’t moved the Earth has and so has the Milky Way Galaxy and all of space. So if you you went though time you would be in the spot that you were standing in a second ago. Well what if you went years back, or forward. That would put you out in space some where.

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Doc Brown is probably super pissed at me right now for shooting down his theories but so be it. He’s old now and I could kick his ass. Plus Marty McFly isn’t going to do shit since he is all sick….

Does any of that make sense or have I finally lost my mind?

Today’s Word of the Day.

Poon-Laden –

1. A female the uses the promise of sex to manipulate and terrorize a man.
2. The woman in a relationship who ‘wears the pants’ and controls her boyfriend/husband. Control is usually achieved by way of the tactic listed above.