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    • Cancer Free, The Way to Be January 17, 2008
      More proof that beer is good for you.  Researchers in Germany say that a cancer-fighting substance found in hops could be enhanced to brew a special anti-cancer beer. I don’t think I’ve read a better story all year. I know the year is young, but the only news that could be better would be “Drinking […]
      Steve
    • Flaming Shot January 10, 2008
      The flaming shot. It’s an amateur move for sure, but it looks cool. The problem is that a lot of people don’t know how to take this shot. They can make it, and light it on fire and that’s where their “smartness” ends. Example 1 This dude is not smart. And the chick that says […]
      Steve
    • Don’t Just Drink it January 8, 2008
      We all love beer right? RIGHT!? Well not only is beer delicious and good for you, but it can be used for all sorts of things that aren’t drinking related. Here is the story. Below I have chosen some of my favorites; CLEAR UP BROWN SPOTS IN YOUR LAWN According to Andrew Lopez, a professional […]
      Steve
    • A Drink a Day Keeps the Doctor Away January 3, 2008
      Health benefits from alcohol? Damn right! According to scientists (not just random drunk people anymore), alcohol in moderation is actually good for you. They say that one alcoholic drink a day will help with all kinds of stuff. Your heart Your pancreas Your Joints Your over all health Sometimes I like to combine 2 weeks […]
      Steve
    • About Bloody Time January 2, 2008
      After a night of hard drinking you will wake up either drunk or hung-over. Being drunk is not the problem, it’s the coming down from being drunk and being hung-over that is the problem. The solution; a Bloody Mary. There are 3 types of morning drinkers. There is the person who drinks a Bloody Mary, a […]
      Steve
    • DWI of the Year January 1, 2008
      Here at Don’t Eat the Worm we don’t condone drinking and driving. It is a dumb and reckless move that can cost not only you your life but an innocent person. (Not saying you’re guilty.) BUT Meagan Harper is now a god in DWI/DUI circles. She was busted in Oregon with a .55 BAC. The […]
      Steve
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Woo Hookers!

I just read on Fox News that this girl is selling her virginity on the internets. I for one am a big fan of this. I don’t have the money to pay for a hooker, but don’t have anything against it. If you want to pay to have sex with someone, that’s your own deal. It’s not like you’re raping them or anything. People are way to hung up on prostitution, seriously folks, unless the girl or guy (I guess) is being forced to do it what is the problem?

Well this chick from the one picture they show is pretty good looking. I doubt she is a virgin. Some dude bid 3.7 million dollars. I don’t care who it is, I wouldn’t pay that much to have sex with her.

Would you pay for sex or have you already?

We’re Going to Need a Bigger Boat

I read this story earlier today and I almost fell out of my chair laughing. This kid got “attacked” by a shark in his bedroom.

The “attack” happened at 14-year-old Sam Hawthorne’s home in Dudley, England.

Hawthorne was sleepwalking when the teeth of a dead souvenir shark from a family vacation, that hangs on the wall of his nautical-themed bedroom, became embedded in his face.

This kid slept walked into a shark head. What an idiot! Seriously, why would you put a shark’s head at face level? Do you do parlor tricks with it? Like sticking your head into it to impress your friends, or throwing pieces of food into it’s mouth?

“It was like something out of a horror film,” she said. “The shark must have been embedded in Sam’s cheek for about 15 minutes and he was in a lot of pain.”

A horror film. Hmmm. I guess if the horror film was one where you just walk into sharp ass things, then yeah, it’s just like a horror film.

This kid needs to be reminded how stupid he is at least 58 times a day, he should also have to wear a helmet.

That Mummy is my Sister and McDonald’s is Dumb

I haven’t been keeping up with the news lately since I’ve been working a lot. I decided to check out a few stories to see if I could find anything blog worthy. Well this story stuck out.

Apparently an 80 year old woman was living with her sister’s mummified body. She died around 3 years ago. Yes, 3 years ago. The mummy was in the kitchen, possibly the worst spot for a dead body, partially eaten from the dog and cat and covered by news papers. Did this lady get a clean up lesson from Big Daddy? Seriously, everyone knows that if you want to get rid of a body you put it in your trunk wrapped in a blanket and throw it into a river. I thought that was common knowledge. Sheesh.

This is my favorite part of the story.

The Detroit Free Press says authorities removed the surviving sister Wednesday night and took her to a crisis center. She is also aged in her 80s and appears to have mental problems.

Seriously? You really think she has mental problems? What was your first guess? THE DEAD LADY IN HER KITCHEN MAYBE?!?! Jesus Christ, give me a break. Of course she’s crazy. Even Stevie Wonder can see that she is crazy.

————-

Today on my lunch break I went to McDonald’s. I’m not a huge fan but decided to go against my better judgement. I drive there and see a huge line for the drive thru and decide to go in.

No customers, awesome.

WRONG.

Not awesome. Not even close.

Why do they have the dumbest people work the registers at fast food places? That’s the second most important job there damn it! Have the idiots sweep the floors and throw those urinal cakes in the urinals, don’t have them take my order.

I order my food, 2 mc chickens NO MAYO and a 4 piece mcnugget.

I see my receipt on the counter in front of me and see this lady didn’t specify I wanted no mayo. So I asked her nicely in a calm tone if she put no mayo on my food.

“No. You didn’t say you wanted no mayo.”

“Yeah I did.” Why the hell would I want something on my food that I don’t even like!? You’d think I’d remember that. It took all my energy not to jump over the counter at this lady.

Then it happened. I heard one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. The lady who brought me my food heard me telling the other lady about the “mayo incident” and asked me “would you like me to make you 2 new ones without mayo?”

My brain almost exploded.

Why would I want you to get my order right? That would just make sense lady. I just wanted to start choking people right there in the middle of McDonald’s. I guess good help is hard to find.

Alicia Keys is a Racist

I just read this story about Alicia Keys. According to her (Alicia Keys) “gangsta rap” was a ploy to get black people to kill each other.

Keys, 27, said she’s read several Black Panther autobiographies and wears a gold AK-47 pendant around her neck “to symbolize strength, power and killing ’em dead,” according to an interview in the magazine’s May issue, on newsstands Tuesday.

I guess it’s good that she’s reading, but Alicia, have you read anything other else? Maybe some of Tookie Williams’ books? You know, the co-founder of the Crips. I’m sure you have.

I guess I’m not really sure how a AK-47 sympolizes strength and power. Killing I can see, but those other two, that’s kind of a stretch.

Another of her theories: The bicoastal feud between slain rappers Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled “by the government and the media, to stop another great black leader from existing.”

Alicia Keys is a racist. It’s that simple. She doesn’t say she hates white people specifically but she implies it with this theory. “The government and the media?” If that doesn’t say white people I don’t know what does. Unless of course the “government and the media” were listening to “gangsta rap” and they killed Tupac and B.I.G.

 

Though she’s known for her romantic tunes, she told Blender that she wants to write more political songs. If black leaders such as the late Black Panther Huey Newton “had the outlets our musicians have today, it’d be global. I have to figure out a way to do it myself,” she said

I didn’t know who Huey Newton was so I looked him up. Well apparently he was a Black Panther. Also, he was a murderer. So I guess we should be thankful he didn’t have the outlets we have today.

I’m not a fan of Alicia Keys, but if I were I don’t think I’d want her to be singing political songs. I’d want to continue singing about the same stupid trash that she is singing about now. But if you want some help Alicia I’ll make up some racist political song for you now, you can steal this if you want.

 

The government invented gangsta rap. So all of blacks will kill blacks. The Black Panthers are always right. Even when they take innocent life. Tookie Williams should have been free. Besides co-founding the Crips, he helped the community.

(Now some sort of piano solo)

White people they take away. All the black leaders we have today. The government and the media killed Biggie and Pac. Take me back to Fraggle Rock ( I loved that show.)

So you can use this song that I just came up with Alicia. And please, don’t give me credit.

This Girl REALLY Loves Her Dad

An Australian woman and her father have come forward and told everyone that they have had a baby together. (story) The even sicker thing is, this wasn’t the first child they have spawned together. A while back they had a child that died a few days after birth.

WHAT THE FUCK!?!

What is wrong with people!? I don’t have a daughter, but I’m positive that if I did I wouldn’t want to have sex with her.

What a bunch of sickos.

 

(sorry for the shortness. I’m trying to work.)

Earth Hour? Thanks for the Notice

Apparently there was something called Earth Hour yesterday that I was unaware of. At 8 pm you were supposed to turn your lights off and sit in the dark like a cave man.

A few things.

Why didn’t I hear about this? Not that I would do it, but still. I read the news every day, you would think that if anyone knew it would be me. Maybe I just didn’t read it because something called “Earth Hour” sounds super lame.

So instead of turning off my lights during “Earth Hour” I passed out with my TV and all of my lights on. I, by myself, ruined “Earth Hour.”

How did you “celebrate” Earth Hour?

Gotta Have Faith, Maybe…

I just read this.

WESTON, Wis. — An 11-year-old girl died after her parents prayed for healing rather than seek medical help for a treatable form of diabetes, police said Tuesday.

Yes, you read that correctly. Instead of getting medicine, the parents just prayed and this poor girl died.

ATTENTION CRAZY PEOPLE!

Praying for people doesn’t help them! I don’t care if you get the Pope to do it, it will not work. You fanatics are crazy.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against religion. Just because I don’t believe in all of that hocus pokus doesn’t mean that other people can’t. But when you don’t take your kid to the doctor because you think that praying for them is going to help them get better you’ve crossed the line.

I try not to write about religion because people are to fanatical about it and freak out and post or email me crazy messages. Listen, I don’t care about your religion. I really don’t. If this story would have been about parents who just stared at their kid thinking that brain waves would heal her I would be just as mad about it.

The real question is, should these parents go to prison for this? They are investigating this right now. Personally I think they should. They are supposed to keep their child safe and well and they failed and should be punished.

What is your opinion on this story? Do you think the parents should be punished?