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    • Cancer Free, The Way to Be January 17, 2008
      More proof that beer is good for you.  Researchers in Germany say that a cancer-fighting substance found in hops could be enhanced to brew a special anti-cancer beer. I don’t think I’ve read a better story all year. I know the year is young, but the only news that could be better would be “Drinking […]
      Steve
    • Flaming Shot January 10, 2008
      The flaming shot. It’s an amateur move for sure, but it looks cool. The problem is that a lot of people don’t know how to take this shot. They can make it, and light it on fire and that’s where their “smartness” ends. Example 1 This dude is not smart. And the chick that says […]
      Steve
    • Don’t Just Drink it January 8, 2008
      We all love beer right? RIGHT!? Well not only is beer delicious and good for you, but it can be used for all sorts of things that aren’t drinking related. Here is the story. Below I have chosen some of my favorites; CLEAR UP BROWN SPOTS IN YOUR LAWN According to Andrew Lopez, a professional […]
      Steve
    • A Drink a Day Keeps the Doctor Away January 3, 2008
      Health benefits from alcohol? Damn right! According to scientists (not just random drunk people anymore), alcohol in moderation is actually good for you. They say that one alcoholic drink a day will help with all kinds of stuff. Your heart Your pancreas Your Joints Your over all health Sometimes I like to combine 2 weeks […]
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    • About Bloody Time January 2, 2008
      After a night of hard drinking you will wake up either drunk or hung-over. Being drunk is not the problem, it’s the coming down from being drunk and being hung-over that is the problem. The solution; a Bloody Mary. There are 3 types of morning drinkers. There is the person who drinks a Bloody Mary, a […]
      Steve
    • DWI of the Year January 1, 2008
      Here at Don’t Eat the Worm we don’t condone drinking and driving. It is a dumb and reckless move that can cost not only you your life but an innocent person. (Not saying you’re guilty.) BUT Meagan Harper is now a god in DWI/DUI circles. She was busted in Oregon with a .55 BAC. The […]
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Guide to Being a Bad Fan

There are plenty of guides out there for different things, very few for bad things. Well I decided that the bad fan needs some sort of a guide so they know exactly how bad they are. Here are a few simple rules that every bad fan must follow.

Take off your shirt – You have to. This is a must. And the fatter and more hair you have the better. This usually works best during sell outs when you are sitting shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers.

Be drunk – It’s best to show up drunk and then get completely plastered during the game. Because sports are just that much better when you’re drunk, and so are you.

Ask for the score constantly – Why would you waste your time looking at the scoreboard when other people can do it for you? Besides, you have beer to drink you can’t be bothered with such time consuming tasks.

Wear a jersey – Not just any jersey though. It has to be of a former player who was complete trash or sucked with your team and is now a star for another. I/E wearing a David Ortiz jersey to a Twins game.

Be really drunk – Yeah, I know it’s already on the list, but it needs to be said again. You must be drunk.

Curse really loud – Everything sentence is better with “fuck” or some variation in it. Example “Bad call ump!” or “Bad fucking call ump!” Which one sounds better? Obviously the second one. Also, parents love to have you swearing like a sailor around their kids.

So there you have it. Just a few tips to get you on your way to becoming the worst fan you can be.

Global Warming?

I think you might have missed something Al Gore. Seriously. Right now it is 2 degrees above 0, this is the first time in 3 days that it has been above 0. For the past few days it’s been at least – 10. I don’t know if a lot of you have been in around anything that cold so let me break it down for your.

At 0 – Pretty cold, but manageable.

At – 5 – Cold. You don’t really want to go all that far, and the wind cuts through most light clothing like a hot knife through butter.

At – 10 – COLD. Seriously don’t even go out side. And if you do, stay in your warm car.

At – 15 – If you’re out doing anything but going to work you’re an idiot. Seriously, you’re dumb.

At – 20 – Kill youreself. Just do it. Death is way warmer than this.

At – 25 – Things just stop working. Cars barely work, ice just magically appears on the roads. I’m pretty sure this is the 8th sign of the appocolypse.

 

Sorry for the lack of blogs. Been kind of busy playing with myself and all. If you want to know what I’m up to on a daily or even hourly basis follow me on twitter. Or to see me talk and make fun of things in 12 second video clips follow me here.

The Winter X-Lames

winter_x_lames.jpg

 I was flipping through channels today and came across the Winter X Games. Let me start by saying that when I was younger I was a HUGE fan of the X Games, both summer and winter. When I saw it today I watched it, I was only mildly entertained. Now that most of these events are in the Olympics are they really that extreme? They need to freshen this thing up, and I think I’m just the man do come up with some ideas.

-To start off the games set up a huge jump and have the Fonz jump a shark tank on a motorcycle. Or better yet, since it’s winter, have him jump the shark tank on a snowmobile, blind folded of course.

-During the snowboard half pipe, have American Gladiators hitting them with those joust sticks every time they try to do a trick.

-Get rid of skiing. This one is pretty self explanatory. No one likes skiing except for rich d-bags.

-Get rid of all of the women’s events until they can do half the things the guys can do.

-Instead of rewarding them for perfect landings, have a competition for the best crash. The crash landings are the main reason I watch this.

These are just a few of my ideas.

Do you guys watch the X Games?

Do you have any ideas on how we can “save” the X Lames?

Haunt Away

GhostGod this movie sucks.

I get ideas for blogs in strange places. Today I was taking a shower before work and started thinking about if I was a ghost or at least invisible and how awesome it would be to fuck with people. There are so many things I’d do.

– When people were taking showers I’d turn the cold/hot water on full blast and watch them jump to one side of the tub. Note-I’d only do this to chicks.

-Obviously I’d go to the women’s locker room. But I’d make it SUPER cold. Very nice! 

-I would go to a Korn concert and as soon as Johnathan Davis got on stage I’d kick his ass. God Korn sucks.

-I’d run around naked. It would be alright, I’m invisible.

-I would pull down random business men’s pants while they’re walking down Wall Street. Smug mofo’s.

There is an infinite number of things you could do while invisible or a ghost and I’m sure I’d do almost all of them.

What would you do?

Case Closed

How long has it been since that little British girl was stolen from her hotel room while her parents were out getting bombed in the hotel lobby? 1 year? 2 years? 

What ever the amount of time, they have now come out with a sketch of a person who may or may not be the guy who took her.

creep.jpg

Creepy.

We can tell a couple of things from this masterpiece.

1 – He is British. Look at his teeth. He is either British, or has a dentist from England.

2 – He likes to play pocket pool. Seriously. In 2008 do people still walk around with both hands in their pockets? He is either:

A) Trying to take things out of both pockets at the same time.

Or

B) Playing with himself/hiding a boner caused by little girls/boys.

3 – The dude is gay. Why the Hell is he wearing a teal shirt? Is he a time traveler from the 80’s? Better question; Why do they make teal shirts? Solution; Have all sex offenders wear teal shirts.

Think about it, if you had sex offenders and weirdos wearing teal shirts you would be able to see them when they are looking into day care centers and sitting on benches over looking play grounds.

Now just for fun, a bunch of idiots wearing teal shirts.

teal1.jpgteal2.jpgteal3.jpgteal4.jpg

The more I see the color teal, the more I hate it. What the Hell is it? Green? Blue? Choose a side! It’s like the Switzerland of colors. Like Blue-Green. You can’t be both mofo! Choose a side.

————————-

*** UPDATE ***

I know who the kidnapper is!

creepy-dude.jpgal-pacino.jpg

The kidnapper is Al Pacino. I’m sure he is just rehearsing a movie part and when the movie is done shooting he will return that kid.

Only 3

On my way into work tonight I had Faction 28 on (Station 28 on Sirius Radio.) and was listening to a replay of Tony Hawk’s radio show. Him and a few of his friends were talking about their favorite bands. Then they pose the question;

If you were stranded on a island and only had 3 albums (that aren’t greatest hits) which 3 would you choose?

Since I thought that this was a good idea I’m going to steal it. So I wrapped my brain around this and came up with my 3. In no particular order, here they are.

1 – Pink Floyd – Dark Side of the Moon

dark side of the moon

Pink Floyd is one of my favorite bands and this is my favorite album by them. Followed closely by The Wall. I would listen to this CD for hours and it will always stay in my CD rotation.

2 – Sublime – 40 oz to Freedom

40 oz to freedom

This is an album that my friends and I jam to all the time. No matter what track is playing when you walk in on this album it’s great. This is the best album by Sublime and any greatest hits album should contain at least 3/4ths of this album.

3 – The Beatles – Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

The Beatles have to be on this list. They are the greatest band to ever pick up instruments. This is may not have my favorite songs on it, but it is my favorite all the way through which is why it makes this list.

These are my 3. There could be a lot more but if I had to narrow it down I think I did a pretty good job. What do you think?

What are your choices? Put them in the comments, or better yet just do this in your blog.

I’ll Stick With the City, Thanks

After reading this story I remembered why I hate going out and doing things in nature.

I will never find a dead baby while I’m sitting on my couch drinking beer and eating Cheetos out of my bellybutton.

Duck Hunt

This is as close to hunting as I will ever get. Call me lazy, but why would I go out and hunt for things when I can just buy it at the store already? I’m sure there is something cool about hunting other than just killing things, but I really can’t think of it. I can think of negatives though;

  • No chicks. Women don’t hunt, and if they do, not that hot. Why would you want to be stuck around a bunch of dudes for a weekend in the woods? No thanks.
  • It’s never good weather. Going outside for extend periods of time in late fall is dumb.

Hunting

  • You have to dress like an idiot. As the above picture shows, you do in fact have to dress like a complete tool. You have to wear bright orange colors because hunters are so stupid they will shoot you if you aren’t. (Some are so dumb they’ll still shoot you.)
  • Football is on. This is pretty self explanatory.
  • No chicks. Have I mentioned this yet?
  • Being out smarted by an animal. Yes, if you don’t shoot anything you were out witted by a creature with a brain the size of a pea. (or something about that size.)

I think I’ve made my point. Hunting sucks.