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    • Cancer Free, The Way to Be January 17, 2008
      More proof that beer is good for you.  Researchers in Germany say that a cancer-fighting substance found in hops could be enhanced to brew a special anti-cancer beer. I don’t think I’ve read a better story all year. I know the year is young, but the only news that could be better would be “Drinking […]
      Steve
    • Flaming Shot January 10, 2008
      The flaming shot. It’s an amateur move for sure, but it looks cool. The problem is that a lot of people don’t know how to take this shot. They can make it, and light it on fire and that’s where their “smartness” ends. Example 1 This dude is not smart. And the chick that says […]
      Steve
    • Don’t Just Drink it January 8, 2008
      We all love beer right? RIGHT!? Well not only is beer delicious and good for you, but it can be used for all sorts of things that aren’t drinking related. Here is the story. Below I have chosen some of my favorites; CLEAR UP BROWN SPOTS IN YOUR LAWN According to Andrew Lopez, a professional […]
      Steve
    • A Drink a Day Keeps the Doctor Away January 3, 2008
      Health benefits from alcohol? Damn right! According to scientists (not just random drunk people anymore), alcohol in moderation is actually good for you. They say that one alcoholic drink a day will help with all kinds of stuff. Your heart Your pancreas Your Joints Your over all health Sometimes I like to combine 2 weeks […]
      Steve
    • About Bloody Time January 2, 2008
      After a night of hard drinking you will wake up either drunk or hung-over. Being drunk is not the problem, it’s the coming down from being drunk and being hung-over that is the problem. The solution; a Bloody Mary. There are 3 types of morning drinkers. There is the person who drinks a Bloody Mary, a […]
      Steve
    • DWI of the Year January 1, 2008
      Here at Don’t Eat the Worm we don’t condone drinking and driving. It is a dumb and reckless move that can cost not only you your life but an innocent person. (Not saying you’re guilty.) BUT Meagan Harper is now a god in DWI/DUI circles. She was busted in Oregon with a .55 BAC. The […]
      Steve
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Snow sucks.

Snow storms are the worst. Seriously if you like snow storms you are an asshole.

Snow storms start off beautiful. You see giant white flakes falling slowly from the sky. It’s so wonderful; look at all the kids catching snow flakes on their tongues.

Then it continues…..It doesn’t stop. It keeps snowing and snowing. You want to leave your house but you can’t. Why can’t you? You can’t because there is a 3 foot drift in front of your car. Oh and you have to shovel your sidewalk. And you better ice your sidewalk so some jackass doesn’t slip and fall on it and tell you to lawyer up.

In conclusion, snow sucks. If you like snow you are an asshole.

Global Warming?

I think you might have missed something Al Gore. Seriously. Right now it is 2 degrees above 0, this is the first time in 3 days that it has been above 0. For the past few days it’s been at least – 10. I don’t know if a lot of you have been in around anything that cold so let me break it down for your.

At 0 – Pretty cold, but manageable.

At – 5 – Cold. You don’t really want to go all that far, and the wind cuts through most light clothing like a hot knife through butter.

At – 10 – COLD. Seriously don’t even go out side. And if you do, stay in your warm car.

At – 15 – If you’re out doing anything but going to work you’re an idiot. Seriously, you’re dumb.

At – 20 – Kill youreself. Just do it. Death is way warmer than this.

At – 25 – Things just stop working. Cars barely work, ice just magically appears on the roads. I’m pretty sure this is the 8th sign of the appocolypse.

 

Sorry for the lack of blogs. Been kind of busy playing with myself and all. If you want to know what I’m up to on a daily or even hourly basis follow me on twitter. Or to see me talk and make fun of things in 12 second video clips follow me here.

Your Jacket Needs to Go.

On my way home from work today I looked to my right as I sped past a bunch of fools, and saw the biggest douche nozzle I’ve ever seen. He was wearing a Letterman Jacket, not only was he wearing one of the gayest jackets ever made, next to the technicolor-ed dream coat obviously, but it had the number 07 on the shoulder.

ZERO-SEVEN!!!

Are you kidding me right now!? Seriously? You’re going to wear a jacket with the 07 on the shoulder when you aren’t in school anymore and it’s almost 2009? I thought I was having flash backs to my proverbial “Haight-Ashbury” days.

Ditch the jacket dude, seriously. And if you don’t, and I see you, I’m kicking your ass.

Ow My Ass.

Why do they make toilet paper that isn’t soft? Seriously, that shit hurts. You are better off taking a piece of news paper and wiping with it than using some of the toilet paper they have out there.

And why is it, that when ever your shit isn’t solid and you take a dump that isn’t at your house (where you have excellent toilet paper that feels like angels are touching your.) you end up using toilet paper that you can see through? I thought the whole idea behind toilet paper was to get the shit off of your ass and into the toilet with out it touching your hand. Am I missing something here?

Horse Face and the Sea Turtles

Sex in the City became a movie this weekend, much to the disappointment of penis’ everywhere. It was fine when these old ugly chicks were on small TVs, but now they are on 25 foot screens.

I discussed, more like yelled about how shitty this movie is, with some girls I work with. None of them would agree with me that these chicks are as far from attractiveas they could possibly be. They would try to tell me that so-and-so is hot and a slut, but they would use their Sex in the City name so I’d have no idea who they were talking about. My head almost exploded. 

Seriously, who wants to see shriveled up old hags on a huge ass screen hooking up with dudes? Not me, I’ll tell you that. They should use this movie in Guantanamo to torture the terrorists, they would tell everything they knew after five minutes of this shit fest.

Some would say, “Steve how can you hate a movie you’ve never seen?”

To which I’d reply, “If I want to see horses I watch horse racing. At least then I can gamble on the outcome.”

I’d rather not have sex if those four broads were my choices.

 

The Grammys Suck

It’s true; The Grammys are garbage, and I don’t understand why people watch them.

The preformences suck. The awards for new artist never make sense.

AMy Winehouse

How does Amy Winehouse win for best new artist when her first album came out in 2003? That doesn’t seem very new to me.

And why the hell are these award shows such a big deal? Who cares about this stuff other than the people winning these things? This is such a “big deal” that it’s half of the page on MSNBC.com and on CNN.com. Come on people, how about some NEWS. I know, crazy concept, but since you are news websites maybe you should actually put IMPORTANT stories on the top of the page.

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Also, my photo blog lives! I forgot about it. I am posting things on there again. So go check it out.

Problems with the News

I watch the news a lot and I’ve noticed some things, and well since this is my blog I’m going to tell you about them.

-When there is a person filling in for one of the “normal” anchors they always say. “This is Dingle Berry filling in Dick Face.” Why do they have to say that? Obviously they are filling in for this other person other wise they would be there!

-If the weather man is a guy, he is always some kooky weirdo. Why? And if it’s a girl, she’s always pregnant. What is with this?

Times Square

-The scroll. I hate the scroll. News stations love the scroll so much they put it on their buildings. The scroll is the worst. It tells you a sentence of a news story and then they don’t talk about it on the actual news. It’s like going to a restaurant looking at the menu and then not being able to order any of it because they only serve salads. (assume you’re not ordering a salad.) It’s mind boggling.

-Old and ugly news ladies. I know I’ve talked about this before but I still can’t fathom how these old and ugly news ladies have jobs on TV. Put young hot chicks on there and tell me all kinds of bad shit and I won’t care. Would you rather have some old ass lady telling you the world is going to end or a curvy young super model type telling it to you?

-I don’t care about your holiday vacations, your kids, your stupid jokes, your fake laughter. GIVE ME THE NEWS. It’s a simple concept. You read from the teleprompter and give me information that might be useful. Noone cares that your kid threw up 9 times the night before.

-Get rid of the traffic report. It is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. All you people do is look at cameras. A retard could do that. Does it really stop anyone from driving that route? No. So just quit life traffic news people, you’re useless.

Doing is a news show isn’t that hard. Just give us the news and keep all of the other garbage to yourselves.

Thank you.