• Blog Stats

    • 118,429 people have looked at this crap.
  • Look who’s talkin’

    James on Are You All Crazy?
    Fritz Anschutz on Some pics from my photobucket…
    sidemirr on Is There Something Behind…
    JichScere on So Many Choices; Another Poop…
    Martin on Global Warming?
    aniche on Woo Hookers!
  • The old blogs…

  • a

  • RSS Don’t Eat the Worm

    • Cancer Free, The Way to Be January 17, 2008
      More proof that beer is good for you.  Researchers in Germany say that a cancer-fighting substance found in hops could be enhanced to brew a special anti-cancer beer. I don’t think I’ve read a better story all year. I know the year is young, but the only news that could be better would be “Drinking […]
      Steve
    • Flaming Shot January 10, 2008
      The flaming shot. It’s an amateur move for sure, but it looks cool. The problem is that a lot of people don’t know how to take this shot. They can make it, and light it on fire and that’s where their “smartness” ends. Example 1 This dude is not smart. And the chick that says […]
      Steve
    • Don’t Just Drink it January 8, 2008
      We all love beer right? RIGHT!? Well not only is beer delicious and good for you, but it can be used for all sorts of things that aren’t drinking related. Here is the story. Below I have chosen some of my favorites; CLEAR UP BROWN SPOTS IN YOUR LAWN According to Andrew Lopez, a professional […]
      Steve
    • A Drink a Day Keeps the Doctor Away January 3, 2008
      Health benefits from alcohol? Damn right! According to scientists (not just random drunk people anymore), alcohol in moderation is actually good for you. They say that one alcoholic drink a day will help with all kinds of stuff. Your heart Your pancreas Your Joints Your over all health Sometimes I like to combine 2 weeks […]
      Steve
    • About Bloody Time January 2, 2008
      After a night of hard drinking you will wake up either drunk or hung-over. Being drunk is not the problem, it’s the coming down from being drunk and being hung-over that is the problem. The solution; a Bloody Mary. There are 3 types of morning drinkers. There is the person who drinks a Bloody Mary, a […]
      Steve
    • DWI of the Year January 1, 2008
      Here at Don’t Eat the Worm we don’t condone drinking and driving. It is a dumb and reckless move that can cost not only you your life but an innocent person. (Not saying you’re guilty.) BUT Meagan Harper is now a god in DWI/DUI circles. She was busted in Oregon with a .55 BAC. The […]
      Steve
  • RSS My Thursday night radio show

    • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.

Guide to Being a Bad Fan

There are plenty of guides out there for different things, very few for bad things. Well I decided that the bad fan needs some sort of a guide so they know exactly how bad they are. Here are a few simple rules that every bad fan must follow.

Take off your shirt – You have to. This is a must. And the fatter and more hair you have the better. This usually works best during sell outs when you are sitting shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers.

Be drunk – It’s best to show up drunk and then get completely plastered during the game. Because sports are just that much better when you’re drunk, and so are you.

Ask for the score constantly – Why would you waste your time looking at the scoreboard when other people can do it for you? Besides, you have beer to drink you can’t be bothered with such time consuming tasks.

Wear a jersey – Not just any jersey though. It has to be of a former player who was complete trash or sucked with your team and is now a star for another. I/E wearing a David Ortiz jersey to a Twins game.

Be really drunk – Yeah, I know it’s already on the list, but it needs to be said again. You must be drunk.

Curse really loud – Everything sentence is better with “fuck” or some variation in it. Example “Bad call ump!” or “Bad fucking call ump!” Which one sounds better? Obviously the second one. Also, parents love to have you swearing like a sailor around their kids.

So there you have it. Just a few tips to get you on your way to becoming the worst fan you can be.

Horse Face and the Sea Turtles

Sex in the City became a movie this weekend, much to the disappointment of penis’ everywhere. It was fine when these old ugly chicks were on small TVs, but now they are on 25 foot screens.

I discussed, more like yelled about how shitty this movie is, with some girls I work with. None of them would agree with me that these chicks are as far from attractiveas they could possibly be. They would try to tell me that so-and-so is hot and a slut, but they would use their Sex in the City name so I’d have no idea who they were talking about. My head almost exploded. 

Seriously, who wants to see shriveled up old hags on a huge ass screen hooking up with dudes? Not me, I’ll tell you that. They should use this movie in Guantanamo to torture the terrorists, they would tell everything they knew after five minutes of this shit fest.

Some would say, “Steve how can you hate a movie you’ve never seen?”

To which I’d reply, “If I want to see horses I watch horse racing. At least then I can gamble on the outcome.”

I’d rather not have sex if those four broads were my choices.

 

Alicia Keys is a Racist

I just read this story about Alicia Keys. According to her (Alicia Keys) “gangsta rap” was a ploy to get black people to kill each other.

Keys, 27, said she’s read several Black Panther autobiographies and wears a gold AK-47 pendant around her neck “to symbolize strength, power and killing ’em dead,” according to an interview in the magazine’s May issue, on newsstands Tuesday.

I guess it’s good that she’s reading, but Alicia, have you read anything other else? Maybe some of Tookie Williams’ books? You know, the co-founder of the Crips. I’m sure you have.

I guess I’m not really sure how a AK-47 sympolizes strength and power. Killing I can see, but those other two, that’s kind of a stretch.

Another of her theories: The bicoastal feud between slain rappers Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled “by the government and the media, to stop another great black leader from existing.”

Alicia Keys is a racist. It’s that simple. She doesn’t say she hates white people specifically but she implies it with this theory. “The government and the media?” If that doesn’t say white people I don’t know what does. Unless of course the “government and the media” were listening to “gangsta rap” and they killed Tupac and B.I.G.

 

Though she’s known for her romantic tunes, she told Blender that she wants to write more political songs. If black leaders such as the late Black Panther Huey Newton “had the outlets our musicians have today, it’d be global. I have to figure out a way to do it myself,” she said

I didn’t know who Huey Newton was so I looked him up. Well apparently he was a Black Panther. Also, he was a murderer. So I guess we should be thankful he didn’t have the outlets we have today.

I’m not a fan of Alicia Keys, but if I were I don’t think I’d want her to be singing political songs. I’d want to continue singing about the same stupid trash that she is singing about now. But if you want some help Alicia I’ll make up some racist political song for you now, you can steal this if you want.

 

The government invented gangsta rap. So all of blacks will kill blacks. The Black Panthers are always right. Even when they take innocent life. Tookie Williams should have been free. Besides co-founding the Crips, he helped the community.

(Now some sort of piano solo)

White people they take away. All the black leaders we have today. The government and the media killed Biggie and Pac. Take me back to Fraggle Rock ( I loved that show.)

So you can use this song that I just came up with Alicia. And please, don’t give me credit.

The Armchair Weather Man

awm.jpg

chairry.jpg – Hi, I’m the Armchair. I’m an expert in all things lazy and unscientific. If you know a way to do anything, I know a better way, and my way is obviously better. Today I will tell you the weather better than “professional” weathermen.

radar.jpg

chairry.jpg – As you can see in this radar image; Lots of colors. Colors of course mean rain and stuff. So it’s raining a bunch, you should probably wear a rain coat, a poncho, or some sort of sombrero to keep you dry.

If you’re in Albany you’re all snowed in. Break into the liquor cabinet to keep warm. If you once were a man from Nantucket you’re lucky because they are about to be covered in green. And no one wants that. Ever. Except stupid farmers.

radar-flood.jpg

chairry.jpg – Hey Noah I hope you have your ark ready because it’s going to be a wet one.

Sometimes instead of telling the weather off of these stupid radar things I like to eat psychedelic mushrooms and watch them and try not to vomit.

This is the Armchair signing out.

A Pancreas Story

This could be either a good post or a really, really mean post. Just remember; It’s all a joke.

Pancreas

Hi, I’m Patrick Swayze’s pancreas and I have a confession to make, I don’t really have cancer.

This whole story is just an act, I am an actor’s pancreas you know. Why would I fake cancer you ask? Well Pat was going to start filming a new movie, Dirty Dancing with Ghosts. I just couldn’t go through that again.

Pancreas’ aren’t know for having a heart, but let me tell you folks I feel for you. I’ve had to watch all of these movies thousands of times. For those of you that haven’t seen my movies count your blessings. I had to come up with something to stop this movie from being made and life threatening cancer seemed to be the best way to do it.

I suppose I have some apologies to throw out now.

– Sorry fans of Ghost and Dirty Dancing. There will never be a movie combining these two pieces of trash. They would never have been made if I would have thought of this whole cancer thing sooner.

– Sorry news media. I know you guys like tear jerking stories. I know you guys were all over this story like Rosie O’Donnell on an all you can eat donut buffet, but it is simply not true.

– Sorry cancer. Not this time sucker!

– Sorry Pat. I didn’t mean to put you through this, but you had it coming. Ghost?! Dirty Dancing!? To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar!? Road House!? Come on man, you’re lucky you weren’t killed a long time ago.