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We’re Going to Need a Bigger Boat

I read this story earlier today and I almost fell out of my chair laughing. This kid got “attacked” by a shark in his bedroom.

The “attack” happened at 14-year-old Sam Hawthorne’s home in Dudley, England.

Hawthorne was sleepwalking when the teeth of a dead souvenir shark from a family vacation, that hangs on the wall of his nautical-themed bedroom, became embedded in his face.

This kid slept walked into a shark head. What an idiot! Seriously, why would you put a shark’s head at face level? Do you do parlor tricks with it? Like sticking your head into it to impress your friends, or throwing pieces of food into it’s mouth?

“It was like something out of a horror film,” she said. “The shark must have been embedded in Sam’s cheek for about 15 minutes and he was in a lot of pain.”

A horror film. Hmmm. I guess if the horror film was one where you just walk into sharp ass things, then yeah, it’s just like a horror film.

This kid needs to be reminded how stupid he is at least 58 times a day, he should also have to wear a helmet.

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12 Responses

  1. At least he wasn’t spanking his monkey and had the shark fall off the wall and bite his pecker off.

  2. Oh man. That would be the worst thing ever!

    Only you Evyl could make a stupid story, a gross story. lol

  3. Well…at least he will have a good “scar” story to tell when he picks up ladies at the bar.

    Of course, they might think he is smoking crack, but still.

  4. I don’t think that’s a very good scar story.

  5. Embedded in his FACE!

    That is some funny ass shit

  6. He should also have to be forced to only watch soft core porn when he grows up.

  7. Unless he has been permanently blinded by a shark tooth in the eye, in that case he has to listen to soft core porn the rest of his life!

  8. This stinks of desperation – its like munchausen or something; child level shark wall hangings and selling the story to the papers. That family has been threatening to hang one of the kids from the shark’s tooth forevah.

  9. actually it couldn’t have looked any gayer than Jaws 3D. now that was GAY! it kind of hovers there and then the glass breaks. it would be like that, but without the glass. i guess that kid needs restraints or a padded room or something. Too funny!

  10. really? Really? OMG!

  11. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. This is great. Kid deserved it – they should strap kids down once they’re in their beds nowadays. With velcro or something.

  12. i once walked into a deer head on the wall… it was very dark and i had to pee… then again, i didn’t get its antlers embedded in my face.

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