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Yo Hippies, Make up Your Minds

Do you want people trampling around in the wilderness or not? Because according to this story, not enough people are.

“Declining nature participation has crucial implications for current conservation efforts,” wrote co-authors Oliver R. W. Pergams and Patricia A. Zaradic. “We think it probable than any major decline in the value placed on natural areas and experiences will greatly reduce the value people place on biodiversity conservation.”

Really? You think that if people don’t go into the woods they will want to destroy it? Don’t people that usually go into the woods usually hurt it? Who do you think starts these wild fires? It’s not the guy sitting at home on his couch watching some game show. It’s the damn person frolicking around in the forest pretending to be Johnny Appleseed or something. The guy sitting at home harms noone but himself.

“The replacement of vigorous outdoor activities by sedentary, indoor videophilia has far-reaching consequences for physical and mental health, especially in children,” Pergams said in a statement. “Videophilia has been shown to be a cause of obesity, lack of socialization, attention disorders and poor academic performance.”

You obviously haven’t played the Wii. You will get a better workout playing with that thing than you can walking in the woods. Plus, who wants to walk in the rain? Or have bugs bite them for 3 hours while you’re lost? Not me.

Why do people go on these “nature hikes?” Is it to see animals? Because if it is, they’re dumb. You can actually see them on TV. You NEVER see them when you’re out walking in the woods. Joe Schmoe walking through the woods makes so much noise that any animal within 5 miles can hear him. Unless you are a ninja or you stumble upon some retarded animal you aren’t going to see shit. Just watch Wild Kingdom and pretend like your outside. Better yet, put a treamill infront of the TV while you’re watching it and then it’s like you’re right there.


15 Responses

  1. […] post by Sans Brains Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and […]

  2. Nature sucks

  3. It doesn’t suck, but watching TV and playing video games is a lot mor fun.

  4. Would you like me to send you some “Get Outside” promotional junk from my office 🙂 hahaha

    I have to encourage people to go outside…I wouldn’t have a Tuesday story and I would probably hate my job if I didn’t.

    It’s the right-wingers pushing that around here…

    BTW…this was my favorite: “Unless you are a ninja or you stumble upon some retarded animal you aren’t going to see shit.” Classic.

  5. I’m a ninja. Just saying, is all 😛

  6. Hahaha.. the couch, that’s more like it Steve!

    I wish the woods were like a nature show, but you’re right, you’d probably only see trees.. or snakes. The only time I’ve seen them, they’ve been nowhere near me, which is a good thing.

    I’m deathly afraid of them but all for outdoors sex, so I have to make a lot of noise… to scare them away of course.

  7. “Unless you are a ninja or you stumble upon some retarded animal you aren’t going to see shit”…

    Haha, I love your “it’s funny ’cause it’s true humour” 😉

    Dammit, I want a Wii….are there Wii games that will focus on making my buttocks looks sublime??

  8. Lucky – You can keep your outdoor propoganda. Thanks for the offer though.

    Green – Are you supposed to tell people you’re a ninja? Is that against the code?

    Nat – You know it! Well outdoor sex is alright. But indoor sex is a lot more fun. Plus things are softer indoors. And you don’t get twigs stabbing you in the ass and shit.

  9. Romi – I love your non American way of spelling things. “Humour.”

    The Wii is so fun. I was sore for like 2 days after I played that shit.

  10. I was gonna mention the twigs.. and then I thought, I’ll leave it ’cause Steve’ll mention it and then I can be all tough and say “pffft, put down a rug buddy”


  11. i like the way nature looks most of the time… but i’d play wii over hiking in the woods anyday.

  12. Nat – Screw that. I’d rather have sex on the living room floor watching a Nature show. At least then ants aren’t climbing on you and biting your junk.

    Lisa – Yeah. I saw a game on the Wii where you just scuba dive. That’s it. You just swim around and collect fish for your fish tank. It looks AWESOME.

  13. I’m so ninja I break that motherfucking code. Boo-ya! Mahahahahaha.

  14. I think the point they are trying to make is that if let’s say some area of mountainland or whatever had some popular nature trails, etc.. It’d be less likely that developers would buy (or be able to buy, even) the land and ‘destroy’ it. Not that developing is necessarily evil, but it’s usually for profit and most likely not affordable, needed housing. People who ‘enjoy’ these outdoors are most likely slightly helping (as long as they’re not trashing campsites and setting fires, but honestly that’s not nearly as much of a statistical thread)- even people who hunt and fish pay for their licenses and only kill animals that aren’t going to screw up the system.

    Anyways, I like nature and stuff but am not any sort of extremist. However, I find it just as annoying people telling you to go outside/do whatever as I do people trying to sell me video games. Most people seem to have no tolerance for any outdoor conditions anyway, and I really don’t care.

    Final thought : If there were no more forests, where would the ninjas hide????? 😛

  15. Green – Touche’

    Cyndi – Trails don’t mean that a piece of land will be safe from development. Plus it could get you in trouble for “tresspassing.” There are a lot of people fishing and hunting without licenses or taking to many or out of season animals. But to each his own. If people want to walk around in the woods like a tool I’m not going to stop them, as long as they aren’t causing problems I’m cool with it.

    We don’t want the ninjas hiding. We want to see them, we are less likely to be attacked that way.

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