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Calling Dr. Doolittle

Sometimes I think I’m an idiot. Other times I think it’s the people around me or things I read that make me think I’m an idiot. This story makes me think the latter.

The story is about “artificial intelligence” being able to tell what dogs are saying. First off, that is stupid. Second off, who really cares what dogs are saying? They are dogs! They broke down 6 different barks. Here they are;

  • Barks for strangers were recorded when a researcher approached a dog’s owner’s home when the owner was away.
  • Barks during fights were recorded at dog training schools, when a trainer encouraged dogs to bite the glove on the trainer’s arms and bark aggressively.
  • Barks for walks were recorded when owners behaved as if they were preparing to go for a walk with their dogs.
  • Barks for balls were recorded when owners held balls in front of dogs.
  • Barks during playtime were recorded when owners played tug-of-war or similar games with dogs.
  • Barks made when alone were recorded when owners tied dogs to trees in a park and then walked out of sight.

You would think “artificial intelligence” would be able to kick a humans ass at telling all of these apart right? WRONG. The “AI” was only 3 percent better than your average human. Even humans didn’t do so well though scoring a measly 40% score. This great quote comes before these number are shown.

These findings suggest computers might significantly help people comprehend animal communication.

Really? You think so? I’m pretty sure that 43% is not a good score. If you scored 43% on a test in school you would fail and they would send you to the retard class.

The real question is, why is this important and why is this being done? The answer; scientists have way to much time on their hands. Seriously, I think anyone could be a scientist and just come up with goofy ass experiments and say they are trying to find some random molecule or something.

Does anyone care what dogs are saying? Well maybe crazy people, but your average person doesn’t  shouldn’t care what dogs are saying. Dogs don’t care what you say, they still look at you weird when you yell at them for shitting on the carpet.

This reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Maggie has that mega-phone that translates her baby talk into normal words. Babies I would like to understand. Dogs I don’t care about one bit.

Also, check out the new blog over at Don’t Eat the Worm.

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10 Responses

  1. Way too many stupid studies. Really, what good does it do to understand the dog? The dog doesn’t have anything important to say. It would be far better to have the dog understand you, wouldn’t it? “blah blah don’t shit on the carpet or i’m selling you to that sketchy meat market blah blah.” See? Much better.

    Other stupid studies include “New Studies Show Musicians Tend To Die Earlier.” No shit.

  2. this just in….water is wet.

    the meat market. haha.

  3. This just proves that you like kids! LOL

  4. no. i still hate kids. i like them better than dogs though.

  5. “blah blah go eat every kid on the block or i will sell you to the sketchy meat market and then those kids will eat you blah blah”

    terrific.

  6. “I’m pretty sure that 43% is not a good score. If you scored 43% on a test in school you would fail and they would send you to the retard class.”…LMAO 🙂

    The only thing I learned by reading about this experiment is that robots are only a mere THREE percent smarter than me…Haha you steel-faced bitches, sucks to be steel-faced and not even super-smart…losers.. 😉

  7. […] Calling Dr. Doolittle Barks for strangers were recorded when a researcher approached a dog’s owner’s home when the owner was away. Barks during fights were recorded at dog training schools, when a trainer encouraged dogs to bite the glove on the trainer’s … […]

  8. Green – That is what I’d tell every dog on the street.

    Romi – Yeah, robots are a bunch of losers for sure. Haha.

  9. Next they’ll decode what dogs bark when they are humping!
    I’m sure it’ll be something like “we’re fucking in public and these morons can’t do shit about it”

  10. Hahaha. I don’t want to hear that at all.

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