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Not Another One…

I think maybe the years and years of alcohol abuse have finally caught up to me. My brain probably looks like a grey gelatinous blob floating in a sea of whiskey, all inside of my head. That is the only reason I can think of as to why I’m having these strange dreams. This most recent one, not as sick and disgusting as the one I shit my pants in, is just as strange.

The dream starts with me driving down the interstate. I’m not sure which one, I do know I was driving fast (like in real life). I pull up on 2 cars driving side by side blocking both lanes. Being in a hurry to nowhere I decided to drive between both of these cars. Well as soon as I do that the road gets all wet, like it just rained, and my car goes from front wheel drive to rear wheel. The back end of my car slides out, side swipes the car on my left and makes the car crash into the barrier on the median. I like the nice guy I am, drive off.

But here comes the strange part. I’m suddenly transported to a residential area straight out of The Burbs’. What was I doing you ask? Great question. I was, if my memory is correct, walking an invisible dog.

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So as I’m walking this stupid thing I see the girl I side-swiped and she’s talking to a lawyer that looks like Gloria Allred. I knew these crazy broads were plotting against me so I started to spy on them. Apparently my spy skills are no where near James Bond and I was spotted in seconds. These crazy ladies start yelling at me about a great case against me and all sorts of other non-sense. I deny everything, telling her it was her fault, and running away. She chases me and starts screaming about her injury. So I stop and ask to see it. She proceeds to hold her hands up, palms facing her, and on her knuckles it says, tattooed in dark black ink “FUCK YOU.”

And that’s when I woke up.

Even in my dreams, women are crazy.

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14 Responses

  1. hahahahahahahahahaha, dude I want one of your dreams

  2. You really don’t….I wake up confused. It sucks.

  3. you had a dream about driving while you are having issues with your car? no way…

    and maybe this is just your inner self thinking that all women are out to get you…bc you are a bad guy…

  4. No, this happend before my car broke down.

    I’m not a bad guy!!

  5. im not saying you are…you inner conscious is saying it…maybe you should think about this…and how you treat women…apparently you self conscious doesnt like it…

  6. No it’s not…It’s telling me that women are crazy…Because they are.

  7. i guess it could possibly be saying that…

  8. I tend to agree with Steve on this issue.

    Women in general are crazy, not all of them, just 99% of them. I would say 100% but then I cant tell the women I want to have sex with they don’t make that 99% they are the 1%…lol

  9. Stop dreaming about me!! Like I know I’m amazing or whatever, but it’s kinda creepy 😉

  10. Dude, that dream is fucking weird. I haven’t had weird dreams in such a long time.

  11. Amanda – I’m sure that’s what it was saying.

    Big Guy – 100% of women are crazy. That doesn’t stopp me from sleeping with them though.

    Romi – Sorry…I just can’t help myself.

    T-Rex – Yes it is. I’ve been having tons of them recently. They are pretty funny though. Better than having some killer stalking you in a dream. Ya know?

  12. I have weird dreams too. Apparently that is one of the side effects of heavy drinking for a long time. Like this one time I dreamed I had to fight this huge naked guy covered in slimy, yellow post it glue because he was guarding the entrance to his enchanted castle where he was keeping my little brother to molest him, and I ended up flying through a grocery store with a river in the middle and I stole some ham. And there was some weird Saw III looking contraption with pictures of my little brother, and I ran into my old friend who was a crack head and gave me a treasure map. The whole things was freaky as shit.

  13. That is by far the weirdest thing I’ve ever read. EVER.

  14. Well that’s how I roll.

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