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Learn to Drive!!…

It seems like every day I leave my house and drive some place I get stuck behind someone who is a complete retard? Seriously I think people driving shitty accounts for 90% of the stress in my life and it happens on a daily basis. I can only relieve myself from stress (jerk off) so many times a day before that gets old.

Is there a reason that people are such shitty drivers?

  • Is it because they don’t know how to read? (English or signs in general?)
  • Is it because they are so old they can remember the Civil War, and actually fought in it?
  • Are they actually retarded?
  • Are they blind?
  • Is it a celebrity?

These are all questions that run through my mind as I’m stuck behind them. 

I curse.

I honk my horn.

I curse some more.

I do that swerve into the shoulder move so you can look past them.

I do it all and nothing seems to faze these people. They are completely oblivious to everything around them.

  • They go 20 mph down the on-ramp when they know you need to be going 70 mph once you reach the bottom.
  • They take left hand turns from the right lane, even though there is a middle turn lane.
  • They go 10 – 15 mph UNDER the speed limit when there is no reason to.
  • They drive with out lights on in the rain or around dusk/dawn so no one can see them.
  • They cut you off and drive slower than the posted speed by at least 10 mph.

Of course none of this stuff happens when I’m on a lesiurly drive to a friends house, but if I’m in a hurry sure enough some jackass will cut me off and drive 30 in a 45. 

Like I said, this happens to me every day. Sometimes I wish I could just run these people off the road and kick them right in the teeth.


The World Series starts today and I am stoked. Not because I like either team, but because I can start gambling…Er….Not gambling because it’s illegal. I mean I love baseball that much, yeah that’s it.

Prediction – Boston in 5 games.


Word of the Day –

Gummy –

The act of receiving a blow-job from a toothless woman or man.


20 Responses

  1. I am with you 100% on this one, I get so angry at the people who go slow down the on ramp, or slow down to merge… That does not even make sense to me… SPEED THE FUCK UP WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO ENTER TRAFFIC!!!!
    I also HATE people who almost come to a complete stop to turn into a parking lot or even just to turn right; come on people, I can safely take a turn at 10mph, its not hard.
    Also, the assholes that think the left lane is for people who want to go the speed limit or five under; most police I have talked to, will not even set down there coffee to pull someone over that is going 5 over the posted speed limit, especially if they are in the left lane!

    When I was stationed in Europe, I drove on the auto strata (auto baun depending on what country you are in) several times, and you know what? Besides tolls, I never had to slow down past 135 mph (yes that is miles per hour), there was no traffic on the free ways; it was crazy, it was as if these foreigners new how to merge, weird I know. Guess what they did when you were approaching them at about 100 meters from behind? They got into the other lane, AND they signaled… WOW

    Bottom line, learn how to fucking drive! If you are uneasy about driving on the free way, either practice on a Saturday evening, or go to Barnes and Nobles, buy a Minnesota road atlas for 19.99, and learn all the back roots to your common destinations… Other than that, get the fuck out of my way.

  2. Hahahaha…

    I ALWAYS move over to the right if I see a car flying up on me…Even if I am speeding…

    You should NEVER have to pass on the right…It pisses me off when I have to do that shit…

  3. EXACTLY!!! Most stats now have signs posted on freeways that say “Slower traffic use right lane” or something close to that.

  4. I am in a rush on my way to work and it never fails that I get stuck behind the commercial driver in training. Just great! A newbie in a big rig going 3 MPH in a 45. Fucking retards.

  5. Jeff – Yeah, but a lot of people don’t read them….Or follow them….

    Becca – Yeah those guys suck too!!….I am scared to drive next to semi trucks now after I was almost killed by 2 of them within a week….

  6. I am going to develop some sort of all terrain vehicle, something between a Mad Max vehicle and a monster truck… maybe a tank as well. Some one is going slow, run them over; traffic build up, blow them the fuck away; and yet I have enough speed to out run the cops!

  7. Steve… This is my Blog now, make love to me… I mean show me love

  8. Damn I thought it would have had a hot link…

  9. Thats when you ram them from the back and send them off the road or into on coming traffic.

  10. i understand your pain…i think the driving in texas has drastically declined over the past few months…i cant stand to drive anymore…

  11. i almost got nailed yesterday. I was in the left lane on a 4 lane street. This lady flies out of a gas station and cuts across all the lanes and doesn’t even see us. My roommate (who was driving) thankfully got into the turn lane before the stupid bitch hit us.

  12. i TOTALLY feel you on this one Steve, and you know i will always go out of my way to pass them so i can look at them and they are always staring into their REAR VIEW FUCKING MIRROR! The answer isn’t BEHIND you ASSHOLE!!! It’s NEXT TO YOU NOW!! i swear, if i only had a gun… but i digress…

    thanks for letting me rant.

  13. I feel you on this one! I get so pissed sometimes for all of the things you listed in your blog. Have you tried getting a blow job while you’re driving, it might soothe you?

  14. I blame it on cell phones and adjusting the radio. Unfortunately, I’ll be learning to drive soon, so I’ll be joining the ranks of the dumbasses on the road.

  15. Jeff – If you make that thing, I want one!…

    Jimmy – I don’t want to ruin my car because of their shitty driving…

    Amanda – I think it’s bad pretty much everywhere….

    That Pessimist – Figures….It was a woman driver….You could have said some even more off the way shit and I still would have believed you….Heh..

    Joebec – People suck…Especially when they’re driving….I don’t blame you for wanting to kill them, I feel the same way…

    Lisa – I’m kind of scared of road head…What if one of those shitty drivers cuts me off and I have to slam on my brakes?….Bad news for me…

    DT – Some would say you’re right…Others (like me) would say that those people are just stupid fucks that can’t drive period….Good luck man…

  16. The timing is EVERYTHING; as in bad timing; seriously, it’s always when I’m driving to the train station at 6:30am, and literally timing my drive by getting the green lights…THAT’s when the slow-ass bitches come out to play….fuckers…I have nothing else to say; I’m just generally grouchy right now (and suffering from insomnia, since I’m awake and have to get up for work in 3hours..lol.. 😉 )

  17. I hear ya…Those bastards know just when to drive to piss “us” off….

    I’m at work right now!…

  18. it’s old poepl and people who arne’t payign attention. they suck,.

  19. you know who sucks? people that only know how to drive one fucking speed! they are going 45 mph in a 50….then it changes to 40…and they are still going 45. first you’re 5 under now 5 over. make up your fucking mind….better yet, just stay off the fucking road all together.

    PLUS, there should be a seperate highway built just for semi trucks. i mean it’s understandable that it takes time to get something that heavy moving at a good speed, exactly the reason they should be on the same roads as regular cars going 70 mph and then some big rig trys to merge going 25 mph. it just doesn’t work.

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