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Do you have your “speedy” card?…

Every night before work I stop in my local Super America gas station. Well they have these cards that you can get free shit with if you buy enough of their crap. I do not have one of these cards. EVERY night these people ask me…

“Do you have your Speedy card?”

And every night I respond with an aggravated “no.”

Wouldn’t you think if I had this stupid card I’d give it to you? Jesus Christ! I don’t use a wallet and don’t have pocket space to be wasted on your stupid ass gas station card!


Time to panic! (Don’t read the whole story. It’s boring. I can sum it up quickly; Earth is heating up, Too much CO2 and it isn’t being converted to oxygen fast enough…Blah blah blah…)

I really don’t see the problem with “global warming.” I live in Minnesota where it gets super cold in the winter. If something happened and it suddenly stopped being cold as shit in the winter time I’d be as happy as Michael Jackson at a boy scout sleep over.


Word of the Day

The Scorpion

where one inserts the thumb into the vagina and the index finger into the anus and squeezes them together.


8 Responses

  1. I just like the name Speedy Card…

  2. They should ban all club cards if only for the fact that nearly every fucking store these days has a damned club card. It’s like when McDonald’s HAS to ask you to supersize it. I’ll fucking tell you when I want something.

  3. and just think, if you had that speedy card, you could have a ton of free shit by now…


  4. if I ever get asked for a speedy card, I will stare blankly for 5 seconds and then slap the bitch.

  5. Sort of like the shocker, but with one less finger and more squeezing. I can dig it. And I’m with you all the way on global warming. Not so much because I want it any warmer down here in North Carolina, where the summer is ass long and ass hot, but rather because IT’S ALL A BIG ASS SCARE FEST CONTRIVED BY THE SAME DUMB ASS SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY THAT HAS BEEN CONTROLLED BY POLITICS SINCE THE TIME OF THE FLAT GOD DAMN PLANET!

    Gah it pisses me off. They tell me the earth was covered in ice once too. And it warmed up. Hence continued life on out planet. It’s probably a cycle. And if we are to blame, I still don’t care. We don’t need Florida anyway. Whatever land we lose to rising oceans and extreme heat will just be replaced by kick ass new beach front property in antarctica. I’m way more open to moving than I am to giving up cars. Dumb fucking liberal propoganda is all it is. No offense to all the dumb fucking liberals out there. Many of you are very sexy ladies, and I wouldn’t want to miss out on a possible scorpion experience because you don’t like my correct opinion.

  6. You would be bitching about global warming if you lived here in Texas where it is like summer year round.

  7. Amanda – You would…

    Brock – I’m with you man, get rid of those damn things…

    Joebec – Probably would….But I think it’s dumb shit…

    That Pessimist – Good call….Haha..

    Josh – Hahaha…Best comment ever….I complain about “global warming” all the time…The best though is once I was leaving a baseball game and it was cold as hell in the middle of July and I started complaining about how “global warming” is the “worst”….People didn’t like me much…Heh…Fucking Liberals…

    Jimmy – Ummm…No I wouldn’t….I’d love it if it was hot all year round…

  8. Ummm… No you wouldn’t if you lived in this type of shit all your life, I think.

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