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Boy Scouts Leave Me Alone…

Today after I woke up at 1130 in the morning I decided that I wanted to BBQ some brats to eat while watching the Vikings destroy the Bears. So I hop in my car drive to the grocery store a few blocks away. As I drive by the door I saw it. One of the things I hate the most. A group of kids selling shit for something I don’t care about.

I hate this.

So I had to walk through this torture chamber and try to avoid them without looking like a huge asshole. Well that can’t be done. There is no way to turn down these kids without looking like a huge d-bag. I shot them down in true douche bag fashion. As the kid stepped in front of me I did a spin move Barry Sanders would be proud of and crossed the threshold of the door.

Why do these kids have to be at the front of the store? When I go to the store I have certain things on my mind that I want to buy, the shit they are selling is definitely NOT on that list.

It’s not only people in front of stores I avoid. Today a neighborhood kid tapped on my door. I would say he knocked but it was so soft I could barely hear it. I asked my roommate if there was someone there and he looked out the window and told me it was some little fat kid with a rake. I’m assuming he wanted me to pay him to rake my 5 foot by 5 foot yard. We will never know since I didn’t answer the door.

The question is….Am I obligated to answer my door if I’m home and it’s obvious that I am home? Or can I just avoid people at my door like I do with my phone?


If you want a break from the normal assholeness of my blog check out this story. It is a really sad and heart warming story. Sometimes I do have a soft side, sometimes.


And now the Word of the Day.

The Houdini

ok, the real definition is this: You are doing a girl doggy style whilst she if facing a window to the outdoors…half way through your thrusting, you do a pull out move (to say finger her a little…) but then your friend who is strategically hidden in the room sneaks in and inserts himself as if it were you….this is when you quietly exit the room, reappearing outside the window when you now (smiling ear to ear) wave at your girl, who comes to the realization that, “if he is out there, who is fucking me!!!?”….hilarity ensues


Tonight I am going to go see Henry Rollins, so there will be no blog. I will try to take some pictures and try to have some good stories to tell.

16 Responses

  1. no, Steve! You can continue to ignore anyone your little heart desires who stands b4 your door in need. F em! little kids or not…if you don’t want to give to their cause, then, they’re better off not knowing, then to meet your wrath. I take it your not that sensitive about it, when confronted. (ha!) loved your little houdini there btw….that’s enough to make a gurl lose it both ways…her mind and her O.(just sayin)…poor gyrl…blowing her bubble like that… ;( after all, she thinks she’s getting banged by the ultimate King Steve himself and then, NOT..what ‘s a gyrl to do??
    have a good week, Steve…ttyl~

    ps. the story was heartbreaking. with having a teen son, that sort of thing truly touches the heart.

  2. I grew up in the boy scouts, and I can tell you…these kids, were douche bags. See we got what we wanted, we stationed two tables outside, one for the front door, and one for the exit. that way we can get them coming out, as well as going in. Then we had some crew stationed on the inside walking around making people feel bad for the homeless, so they would donate food as they are leaving. If we got a walker, the troop master would go and talk to the person leaving, as a final line of offense.

    Ill read the story later…

    as for the word of the day…It is on my list.

  3. CG – Hahaha…I haven’t done the Houdini before. I thought it was funny though so I put it up there….The story was sad…And I am a dick to those kids…They bug the shit out of me…

    Big Guy – I fucking knew it!!!…

  4. I hated when they would park outside of wal-mart when I worked there. I would be going in and out of the damn store all the damn time to get calls for the outside garden center, and every time, I would get asked by the same damn kid, over and over and over. Though a thing I liked was ok was when the cheerleaders would have a car wash out side next to the garden center. those were good days to be working that department. haha

  5. “I asked my roommate” hehehe…that was the funniest line of the whole blog….

    and if anyone pulled the houdini on me…they would be missing their penis…

  6. I go to the grocery store and I see them there raising money and I’m like “ok, I know which door NOT to go into.”

    Sure as shit I drive around to the other door – and they are set up at THAT door too. I come out and in unison they are like “Would you like to buy some candy?” I’m like “Sorry guys, put everything on the credit card today.”

    one of the “Supportive Dads” yells out as I’m walking away “we’ll take that too!” and laughs hysterically. Uhh… STFU buddy. I always open the door for girl scouts though, that means they have peanut butter patties… yum. lol Let me guess, you’re a thin mints kinda guy? LOL

  7. The Houdini. I likes

  8. I’m so proud of your Barry Sanders spin move to evade the boy scout kids. I wish I could have seen that.

  9. Do you get the “dead sea salt” salesmen in your malls? Those fuckers should die a painful death…

  10. I hope Rollins was your “Houdini” partner.

  11. Steve,

    Buddy! Pal! You gotta change my link in your blogroll for the love of Christ!

  12. I always “un-answer” the door when I am clearly home; sometimes i peek at the children from the side-window and run away; there is always the chance that they will egg my house, but if it avoids an awkward conversation where I have to tell them to back the fuck away ’cause I don’t wanna buy their shit (that sounds weird, LOL), then I’m all for it.

    PS: the last time I was out drinking with work buddies, my male-co-workers traumatized me by telling me about the houdini…

    PPS: that was a very sweet/sad story…

  13. Jimmy – They have that car was shit by my house at this gas station all the time…I feel dirty for looking since it is all high school chicks…

    Amanda – If someone pulled the Houdini on you only one person would be….The other dude would get away…Heh..

    Alyssa – I would kick those dad’s asses!….I love Thin Mints…Gotta have them super cold straight from the freezer though…

    Abarclay – Yeah, I had people asking for my autograph once they saw that…I signed a bunch of chick’s boobs, it was great!

    T-Rex – The Houdini is an instant classic….WTF is a dead sea salt salesman?

    Brock – Rollins is the fucking man!….And I’m really lazy and it doesn’t really matter if I change it since it still goes to your site….I will try to remind myself later tonight…

    Romi – I was torn between, not answering or answering and telling the bastard to get the fuck off of my property….Your work buddies sound awesome!…That story did pull on my heart strings. Or something like that…

  14. Dude, not only are you NOT obligated to answer the door…you can look out the window and stare at the kid and give the Bill Goldberg “thumb slit across the neck” gesture.

    I swear it works every time.

    link up. http://www.theputdown.com


  15. you know whats worse than this? those salvation army guys that wave around bells at every grocery store

  16. I completely understand what you mean. My boyfriend was in the boy scouts. Every time he starts talking about the whole boy scout crap I just want to punch him in the face. And I often do. He once had to go to a meeting (This was a year ago when we were 17), took one look at him in his uniform, and I told him I felt like a pedophile. He doesn’t do that anymore (thank god). Yuck, if I ever have kids, there not going to be part of that scam ever. No way in hell there getting a dime from me! The Houdini thing was…. Interesting.

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