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Mmmm beer…I love birthdays…

I got a late start to my birthday this year. Before going out to the bar I drank a Rouge Dead Guy Ale (my new favorite beer) After that my sober cab and my friend Nate showed up and we went to the bar. (I’m not naming the bar because I’m still pissed)

We walk in and apparently it’s $1 drink night. But only $1 for shitty domestic taps and rail drinks. Sorry shitty bar, but I don’t drink water beer or nasty alcohol. So I was drinking pints of Summit. (brewed in my home town of St. Paul) So I get to drinking, it’s 11pm and I’m not drunk yet so I have a lot of ground to make up.

So we go and grab a pool table and start playing. We play for a while and scope the scene. The Jagermeister girls were there and had tons of shots. I’m not sure how many my friend ended up buying for me but it was more than enough. My sober cab Jodi wanted to see this chicks tattoos that were on her legs so I called her over and we gawked for a few minutes. Jodi convinces her to give me a hug. (BAD idea) I have a full pint in my hand and when I hug her some of it spills out onto her back and instead of saying I was sorry I just busted out laughing. (I’m nice like that) She didn’t think it was as funny as my friends and I did. (It was)

So after doing a couple few Jager shots we went out to the patio where it was a little quieter. The live band was pretty good, but all they did was play covers of other people’s songs. (VERY original) So we go out and I start wandering around talking to people. This chick and I start talking about bands and shit and she brings up The Family Values Tour and how Korn is “awesome.” Well that is where the conversation took a downward spiral. I looked at her and the dudes she was with and told them all that Korn was the worst band EVER. They were not fans of me after that comment and wanted to fight me. Yes, they wanted to fight me to defend the “honor” of a band, a shitty band at that. Well the fight didn’t happen even though my buddy Nate wanted it to.

And here’s where it gets interesting (well more interesting) I go in and step up to the bar to get another beer and a vodka sour for my buddy and apparently I was “too drunk” and the d-bag bartender cut me off. How do you cut someone off on their birthday when they have a sober cab? Plus I think at this time it was around 130 in the am. But whatever, I got a friend of mine I knew at the bar to buy me a beer. He brings out my pint of Summit and I’m about a quarter done with it when 2 huge secruity guys come up, SNATCH the beer from my hand and tell me that I was already cut off. I had a few choice words with the ogre looking security guys and I ask them who I have to talk to to get my drink back. They tell me that the bartender cut me off and that was that. So being the nice guy that I am I followed them in and yelled at the bartender. Then I was asked to leave. I told them I needed to get my sober cab and I was followed out to the patio to get him and my friend. All the way I am bitching and telling the WHOLE bar that I am NEVER coming back and they will NEVER get my money again. (which is all true, I will never go back there again.) So we leave and being the classy guy that I am I roll down my window and my sober cab honks his horn and I tell the whole bar where to go….

 Man, I love my birthdays. I can’t wait till next year….


14 Responses

  1. so yeah…spilling the drink on her back…probably was as funny as you and your friends thought it was.

    Korn is the worst band EVER….keen observation

    How the fuck can they cut you off when you have a DD? Lame

    Sorry your birthday wasn’t all you hoped it would be…=/

  2. It was super funny, mostly because I tried to catch the beer in my free hand…haha..

    I HATE Korn, always have….Bleh…I’d rather listen to hippos have sex….

    That’s what I was saying….NEVER going there again….

    My birthday was GREAT!… 🙂

  3. Happy fuicking birthday (whenever it fucking was). I like Rogue beer too – Brutal fucking Bitter FTW. Cutting people off is what assholes do. Maybe some fucking day, that douche bag bartender will need your help and you can tell him to shove it up his fucking ass.

  4. I have the “Hippos Having Sex” greatest hits compilation, but it’s not as good as the “Bulimic Hogs Barfing-Up After Slop-Time” CD; you can borrow it if you want…

  5. Wow!

    Just Wow!

  6. N.A. Hole – I will definitely tell that bartender to fuck off….And Rogue beer is the BEST…

    Romi – Of course I want to borrow it!…Why the hell wouldn’t I?…I’d be dumb not to…Heh..

    Jimmy – Indeed…

  7. So we leave and being the classy guy that I am I roll down my window and my sober cab honks his horn and I tell the whole bar where to go….

    You make me laugh.. that sounds like an ace night.. please send Jodi over!! I have noo sober friends and I can’t imagine any of them would give up the booze to drive me round..

  8. I love that those people wanted to defend Korn. That’s too funny. Everyone I know makes fun of Korn. It’s just the way it is.

  9. Nat – It was a crazy night…I don’t think Jodi would be a big fan of Aus…Heh..

    Abarclay – Korn is GARBAGE that’s why….I don’t know why people can’t understand this…

  10. Korn is for assholes. The only korn I like is on a fucking cob and comes racing out my ass soon after I fucking eat it.

  11. I couldn’t agree more….

  12. How come peas don’t show up in your “business” the way corn nibblets do? It’s pretty much the same deal as corn, vegetable wise, but it’s like the invisible assassin; it keeps a low profile “business-wise”, just kinda blends in, don’t you find?..funny how that works…

  13. I think green blends in better with brown than yellow does….And the corn “shell” is tougher than a peas….Heh…

  14. Lets talk about fishing on Mille Lacs. a couple guys I went with pissed on the seat…

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