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The mystery bruise…

As some of you know I work midnights so I sleep during the day. Well today I woke up and after watching some TV I took a shower. As I was putting deodorant on I noticed a giant bruise on the back of my arm. Well for the past 3 days I haven’t done anything other than sleep and eat. There is no reason I should have a bruise the size of a baseball on my arm. As usual I have some ideas as to why this happened to me, and I will share them with you.

Idea 1 – Aliens. Yes, I know this sounds crazy but there are a few Mexicans that live down the street from me that barely speak English. They may in-fact be illegal aliens. And they might have tried to kill me to protect their illegal status.

Idea 2 – Ghosts. I am almost positive my house is haunted. I see things out of the corners of my eyes constantly. Plus they are probably pissed at me because my house is so messy right now.

Idea 3 – Someone creeped into my house put a bar of soap in their sock and beat me like Private Pile in Full Metal Jacket. I’m not sure why they would do this but I’m sure someone hates me enough to sneak into my house and beat me, and then sneak out with out stealing anything during the middle of the day.

Idea 4 – Leprechauns. After blowing their cover in yesterday’s blog they are out for revenge. I guess I’m lucky that they didn’t bring their pet bears with.

Idea 5 – I am like the dude in Fight Club and I acually go out and do other things while I’m sleeping. I have an alter ego and I do all sorts of crazy shit. I might have even started a fight club and that’s what the bruise is from. And nothing else is wrong with me because apparently I’m that good of a fighter.

Have you guys ever woken up with strange bruises?

Do you have any idea as to what happened to me?

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54 Responses

  1. I’m going with #6… I get strange bruises all the time. Are girls allowed in Fight Club?

  2. There is no number 6!!

    Umm..Sure, if you don’t mind fighting guys…

  3. I made it up. I’m that cool. BTW you just broke the first rule of Fight Club. No talking about Fight Club.

  4. Hmm…

    I started my own fight club…And you can talk about my fight club…

    I’m thinking about starting a sex club. And I will be the only guy allowed to join….What do you think?…

  5. Steve I think I know what may have happened. Don’t say anything, but I think Amanda may have come to try and rape you, in the process of this you accidentally threw her off of you. She got pissed and hit you, several times in the arm. She was going to kick you, but instead started playing with your mind, trying to make you a follower and in the end…You became confused of what happened.

  6. That is a very good theory….

    Why wouldn’t she just wake me up though?…It’s a lot easier if I’m awake…

  7. And alot faster my 30 second man… I don’t think that a sex club would work too well with you being the only guy. Partially because of the little nickname I just gave you.

    I think BigGuy there is the one that snuck into your room…

  8. But if I only go 30 seconds then there is plenty of time for me to get to all of the girls…I’m nice like that…

    I hope not….

  9. That is just so so wrong.

    I am pretty sure it was him… Does your butt hurt too?

  10. I like to share the love…heh…

    Nope….My butt is fine…

  11. I’ll bet he just used your mouth. No evidence

  12. Ick…I just threw up….

  13. Did it taste a little sour and salty?

  14. No….

    I’m still puking….

  15. I don’t believe you… I’m pretty sure you’re savoring the taste…

  16. Oh man that is just gross….

    I’d rather eat poop than have some dude jazz in my mouth….

  17. Sounds like you might need this website http://www.alt.com. Seems it might fit your preferences…

  18. Hahaha….I think I’m good on that….

  19. You lie… You know you’re going to go sna some nudie cell phone pictures and sign up tonight…

  20. Yeah…You’re right…

    Am I that predictible?…

  21. I think cell phone users are predictable… Everyone who owns one has a nudie picture on there

  22. I actually don’t have any on my new phone….So maybe you could help me out…

  23. Yeah, why don’t you ship me your cell phone, I’ll snap a picture, and then send it back. Make things a little complicated to make it really worth it…

  24. It’s in the mail…

  25. Right… Are you stalking me? How’d you get my address. You STALKER! I feel so loved!

  26. You know it!…

    Nice bedroom by the way….

  27. Thanks, I thought so too. I picked it out especially hoping you would start stalking me.

  28. Well it worked….

    You need to pick up a little bit though….There are some clothes on the floor…

  29. What’s scary is I just did laundry and there are clothes on my floor… But I am a girl, at least last time I checked, so I can see where you would get that conclusion if you weren’t stalking me.

  30. I know there are clothes on your floor because I just ran over and looked in your window….

    I love my night vision glasses…

  31. So you learned how to scale walls?

  32. Yeah…I’m like Spiderman…But straight….

  33. Well I believe the first part of that sentence…

  34. Hmmm….That was the part I was lying…The second part was true….

  35. Riiiggghhhttt…. You keep telling yourself that

  36. I do…As I bang chicks…. 🙂

  37. I haven’t seen proof of that

  38. Come to MN and I’ll prove it!

  39. OR is way cooler then MN, but I will for sure look you up next time I’m that way…

  40. NOTHING is cooler than MN….

  41. Sorry Steve but you last longer when you are asleep!

    Didn’t mean to leave bruises but I was in a zone.

  42. Geeze…I didn’t wake up at all….I must have been drunker than I thought…

  43. You were “in and out” a couple of times…… LOL

  44. I’m sure I was… 😉

  45. Have you noticed the lump on your head yet? (From hitting the wall)

  46. I was wondering where I got that from….

  47. But…. you were GREAT!!! *wink*

  48. I always am!!…

  49. LOL

    I think the leprechauns did it…

    And I ALWAYS have strange bruises

  50. Damn leprechauns…..

    I never do…I haven’t had a bruise in a long time….

  51. Somebody snuck into your bedroom, hid a blunt object under the sheets and you’ve been sleeping on it without noticing.

    Or the working nights has screwed up your bodies internal workings and you’re just bruising easier.

    Both of which are plausable because they’ve happened to me.

  52. King Steven, bringing it with the comments.

  53. Whatigotsofar – The second one might be it….Because I sleep on my couch mostly and there isn’t shit on it….

  54. Brock – This ain’t shit man…You should have seen my Myspace blogs….TONS of comments….

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