Just thought I would update you all on that. Now I am off to look at all kinds of sick and twisted porno.

Take off your shirt - You have to. This is a must. And the fatter and more hair you have the better. This usually works best during sell outs when you are sitting shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers.

Be drunk - It’s best to show up drunk and then get completely plastered during the game. Because sports are just that much better when you’re drunk, and so are you.

Ask for the score constantly - Why would you waste your time looking at the scoreboard when other people can do it for you? Besides, you have beer to drink you can’t be bothered with such time consuming tasks.

Wear a jersey - Not just any jersey though. It has to be of a former player who was complete trash or sucked with your team and is now a star for another. I/E wearing a David Ortiz jersey to a Twins game.

Be really drunk - Yeah, I know it’s already on the list, but it needs to be said again. You must be drunk.

Curse really loud - Everything sentence is better with “fuck” or some variation in it. Example “Bad call ump!” or “Bad fucking call ump!” Which one sounds better? Obviously the second one. Also, parents love to have you swearing like a sailor around their kids.

So there you have it. Just a few tips to get you on your way to becoming the worst fan you can be.

Well this chick from the one picture they show is pretty good looking. I doubt she is a virgin. Some dude bid 3.7 million dollars. I don’t care who it is, I wouldn’t pay that much to have sex with her.

Would you pay for sex or have you already?

At 0 – Pretty cold, but manageable.

At – 5 – Cold. You don’t really want to go all that far, and the wind cuts through most light clothing like a hot knife through butter.

At – 10 – COLD. Seriously don’t even go out side. And if you do, stay in your warm car.

At – 15 – If you’re out doing anything but going to work you’re an idiot. Seriously, you’re dumb.

At – 20 – Kill youreself. Just do it. Death is way warmer than this.

At – 25 – Things just stop working. Cars barely work, ice just magically appears on the roads. I’m pretty sure this is the 8th sign of the appocolypse.

Sorry for the lack of blogs. Been kind of busy playing with myself and all. If you want to know what I’m up to on a daily or even hourly basis follow me on twitter. Or to see me talk and make fun of things in 12 second video clips follow me here.

ZERO-SEVEN!!!

Are you kidding me right now!? Seriously? You’re going to wear a jacket with the 07 on the shoulder when you aren’t in school anymore and it’s almost 2009? I thought I was having flash backs to my proverbial “Haight-Ashbury” days.

Ditch the jacket dude, seriously. And if you don’t, and I see you, I’m kicking your ass.

And why is it, that when ever your shit isn’t solid and you take a dump that isn’t at your house (where you have excellent toilet paper that feels like angels are touching your.) you end up using toilet paper that you can see through? I thought the whole idea behind toilet paper was to get the shit off of your ass and into the toilet with out it touching your hand. Am I missing something here?

Today was a shitty day. Not only did I have to work but my legs hurt and my foot is all cut up from a wedding on the beach I went to this weekend, so I walked around all day with a gangster limp. People thought I was a retard. That could be because of the way I look, but I’m going to pretend it was because of my walking.

So after a day from hell I get in my car that is hotter than an oven. Seriously, I put half my body in and I was almost cooked. After almost passing out from heat exhaustion I drove out of the parking lot with talk radio on. I looked in my rear view mirror and noticed it vibrating like I was jammin to some hard-core gangster rap music, only I was just listening to ESPN Radio. I’m not really to worried about it as I’m flying down the interstate, but then all of a sudden it just pops off and is hanging there by a cord. I don’t know if you’ve ever driven with out a rear view mirror, let me tell you, it is weird. So I drove about 10 minutes to an auto parts store to get some glue and shit to fix it, but until I got there I probably looked like the biggest idiot ever.

Seriously, has anyone noticed that he played one character for 15 years? The guy didn’t age from 1985 till 2000. He played the same character in Back to the Future and it’s 2 sequels, and that was filmed over a period of 5 years. I don’t know about anyone else, but 5 years ago I looked pretty different, mostly skinnier. Just about every movie that he’s been in, he plays the same character; a down on your luck nerdy type who has to stand up to some sort of bully guy and at the end scores the chick.

He is like the 80′s version of Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell. Maybe not to the extreme that Will Ferrell takes it though. But you get my point.

I do love Michael J Fox though. In fact I just got done watching Teen Wolf, the most ridiculous movie in the history of film. He sucks at basketball, figures out he can turn into a wolf, gets good at basketball, then decides not to turn into a wolf anymore and is now good at basketball. That’s the premise for a movie? And I thought Hollywood today was out of control. But it’s entertaining, it doesn’t try to be anything it isn’t. It’s a weird crazy movie and that’s why I love it.

I discussed, more like yelled about how shitty this movie is, with some girls I work with. None of them would agree with me that these chicks are as far from attractiveas they could possibly be. They would try to tell me that so-and-so is hot and a slut, but they would use their Sex in the City name so I’d have no idea who they were talking about. My head almost exploded. 

Seriously, who wants to see shriveled up old hags on a huge ass screen hooking up with dudes? Not me, I’ll tell you that. They should use this movie in Guantanamo to torture the terrorists, they would tell everything they knew after five minutes of this shit fest.

Some would say, “Steve how can you hate a movie you’ve never seen?”

To which I’d reply, “If I want to see horses I watch horse racing. At least then I can gamble on the outcome.”

I’d rather not have sex if those four broads were my choices.